Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
So, I've sorta kinda been getting the shaft at my new place of work.. I was hired as the day weekend supervisor but they have an opening for the night weekend supervisor and no one to cover it in the interim.. So, hey Tara.. you're coming off of a night job and you don't totally hate it.. can you like, cover it so our on call doesn't have to and we'll cover your day shifts? Not totally the end of the world, and in fact, I do really prefer the peace and quiet of nights.. I just miss the old man. Working the baylor shifts (which it's hard to come by a baylor rate anymore.. but the hourly rate is decent enough I'm not quite crying a river...) I have to leave my house at 630p and the old man doesn't get home from his work until 830p, so that's totally lame, but I guess I'm starting the schedule I was hired for next weekend. On the plus side, I hear the director consistently yells at everyone over everything.. I've been very minimally spoken to, so far. I don't know if that's because I'm very competent at what I'm doing or if it's courtesy since I've been a nice guy and been helping them out..
PS I took the new job closer to home, better pay, better hours but I'm working so much. I can't say no to the overtime that they're throwing at me because I really need the money but I'm getting kind of sick of working so much on top of school. And the ironic part is I think I have a bigger tendency to just blow my money on stupid crap now that I have such a decent income but that's the way it's always been. I remember when Stedman and I were just starting out and working our crappy minimum wage 30 hour jobs and were broke all the time and then we got our jobs at Foxwood's and started spending like kings.. Oh well.
I complain so much about how busy I am. How tired I am. But I like everything I do. I like my job(s). I like school. I LOVE my home life and I think that's the problem. I just wish I could do everything on my terms. But everything's a commitment and a preexisting obligation. I just really wish I had the time to get in shape again. I feel kind of gross right now and I feel like I have a self-inflicted aversion to exercise since I know I'm not as strong and fast as I was a couple years ago, so I'm throwing up a stupid "why bother?" attitude.
I'm into my first bottle of the wine for the night and I'm in the mood to pontificate. Our supervisor called out on Tuesday night and me being a fancy pants RN and all they stuck me in charge... like I know what the fuck I'm doing. Kind of yes, kind of no. But all in all it went alright. A death and a fall. Nothing new.
I just felt so bad for the dead woman's husband. I had seen him there everyday when I worked day shift. You could tell he loved her so much. I called him at 3 in the morning and he came in. He cried and rubbed her cheek and said how peaceful she looked. She did. I had given her her last dose of morphine a few hours earlier. I see many more widows in long term care than widowers. Say what you will about women being the more emotional sex but I think we're stronger in some ways than we get credit for. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband to every fiber of my being, but when we get old, I hope he goes first. I know I could handle it better than he could.
I have an interview on Tuesday for a weekend baylor supervisor gig at a different nursing home. If the salary's as decent as I'm hoping it's going to be, I might die of happiness. Working five nights a week with school is killing me. No time for excercise, but a surprising amount of time to get drunk. But no, really, being a charge nurse can be pretty stressful too. I'm liking my latest gig on nights on the short term unit but to a certain degree, it's the same old garbage. Don't get me wrong, I have no false delusions that one nursing home is any better than the next but if I can work two 12's, get paid for 32 hours and continue to work per diem at my old job, that'll make life that much less stressful. Because working all night Tuesday night, going to school all day Wednesday and heading back in wednesday night is getting old quick.
One more year left on my bachelor's, then time to think about grad school, then it'll be time to think about a family. How quickly life goes by. I've been married coming up on 7 years but that means fuck all to me in terms of the right time to bring a child into the mix. I like the idea but no hurry.
I was talking to the old night nurse I work with last night and she had never heard the term bat shit insane. She liked it though.
Are you still a drunk if you have your shit together?
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Do you ever want to talk about something that's bugging you, but it seems so trivial and childish you can't even get the words out?
I can rationalize that much but it's still bugging me.
Maybe I should lay off the diet pills permanently. I don't even so much care about my weight anymore as they are pretty intense legal stimulants. I can work like a fiend on very little sleep. But then I go off of them and I get pretty bad rebound depression.
Oh well. I feel like hell today and there's not much to be done about it.
Funny line from Parks and Rec:
"Aww.. You're a nurse? You must be so tired. And sad."
Yeah, pretty much. More tired than sad but I haven't had any losses in a little while.
Our census was a little low for awhile so I was having some very easy days and spending a lot of time at the desk, bullshitting with residents and still swiping out at 315. Now, I've got a full unit again with some short termers thrown in, fairly high acuity and it's a good day when I'm out by 4. Not really complaining but we just got busy all of a sudden.
I picked up yesterday so I wasn't in my regular spot which I was chagrined about but it turned out to be cool. This neighboring unit has more short term beds and I got to learn a new procedure (a denver drain) and do a dressing change on a fresh partial amputation. And I had a new (to me) hospice patient from the third floor thrown into the mix. He had the nicest smile and seemed sincerely appreciative of some good nature. I'm sorry he won't be part of my regular assignment, regardless of much how much longer he has.
I love where I work. I love my residents and coworkers but I hate the drive. Also the heavy assignments make for a tiring day and I feel like it's just a little too much and it's impossible to do a great job. My assignment yesterday included 19 long term residents and five short term residents, all the short termers having fairly high acuity. I didn't even get to read their charts or do as thorough of an assessment as I've have liked to.
A lot of times, I feel like it takes me forever to get an assignment done because I get caught up in the details but at the same time, I kind of feel like I have to. If it's 8am and all the aides are in the dining room feeding people and no ones in the hallways and I have someone who needs their coffee reheated or didn't get a milk, I'm not going to make them wait until after breakfast when the aides are available. I think we just might have some staffing issues. We consistently have six aides for sixty residents and then obviously at lunch, we have less. I don't know..
Getting back to the funny quote. I do feel kind of tired all the time. I put in 40+ hours at work and I'm on my feet all day with the exception of maybe less than an hour or so for charting/labs/new orders. I have a fairly long commute. Then I have 8+ hours of school a week plus studying. Needless to say my house is a wreck and I'm getting fat again. Though I do squeeze in a couple of hours at the gym every week it's nothing like it used to be.
Ah well. Life is good. I'm very blessed to be young and able to work hard so I'm not really complaining but there sure aren't enough hours in the day.
Bleh. Was asleep but I work up because it was so hot. Well, hot for October at any rate.
Since I've been working days for the last 6 weeks, I feel like I'm the most unproductive piece of crap ever. I'm still kind of adjusting to sleeping at night and when Chris is home, I end up staying up late with him because I see him so seldomly.
The job's pretty awesome. It wasn't my first choice but I'm still so happy to be there. I'm learning a lot and doing a lot and it's obviously worlds above casino work, no matter how you slice it. And I was hired as a 32 hour employee but this will be my 3rd week in a row working 40, so that doesn't appear to be an issue.
My BSN classes are going well. Theory's a little boring but I'm loving assessment. I think I'm being a little lazy with them, though, and not really caring if I get stellar grades or not. I was a little more interested in keeping on going for MSN but now I'm caring a little less at the moment, and thinking I'll just go the family route after this next degree. That'll bring me to 30 and 8 years of marriage at that point, so I guess it'll be time.
Chris' police aspirations are looking up. He had an interview with Norwich this past Friday which he said went well. I hope he can get out of the casino, I know he hates it even more than I did.
I got my 10 year high school reunion coming up in two weeks. I can't believe how quickly time goes by. I'm glad they lowered the price to make it doable for more people. 40 bucks a person and a cash bar could kiss my ass.
I hope all is well with you folks out there. Sometimes, I like to just brain dump a little more on here once in awhile than I feel like doing on facebook.
I'm so excited about my new job. Aside from the obvious of a much needed career change, there are a bunch of other little perks. I think I'm leaving just in time to avoid some full blown carpal tunnel. I'm starting to get fat again but if I'm not grazing on free food every break at Foxwood's, I think I'll inevitably eating a little less.
I'm also excited to be leaping right back into school for whatever odd reason. It's just kind of become a habit over the last 4 years and I feel like it's going to feel unnatural when to stop going when I actually have all the degrees I desire.
It was really weird giving my two weeks to Foxwood's. While it kind of sucks and it's pretty annoying, it's familiar. I get to ride into work with the old man every night. I know everybody and everybody knows me and nobody gives me a hard time. It's easy. There's no thought and no accountability. Which is also why I had to get out. It was rather mind numbing but I'm psyched for the new challenge.
In other news, I'm reading Catch-22 and absolutely loving it. It's on its way to being one of my all time favs. It's so blunt and sarcastic. I highly recommend it.
Supervising at work tonight for the 3rd time in 2 years. Now, I feel like less of a liar on my resume.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Does anyone even still read this? I'm looking at my friends list. I think I remember about 1/3 of who these people are...
I don't know why I have to be my mother's keeper. I don't need this right now. Oh well, I'm pretty sure it made her feel better for me to be so upset.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Sometimes I really feel like I hate everything that I like about my life.
I really don't feel like I'm giving this semester adequate focus. (Says the girl who's studying at midnight because she can't sleep.) I'm a little afraid of success.. and I'm sick to death of nurses with attitudes. I don't really want to work with these people but I guess they're everywhere in every career. *shrugs*
I'm sick of being busy all the time and never seeing my husband. I'm sick of money and having to work 3-4 days a week to pay the bills because we weren't more diligent savers over the years..
Ah well. I didn't come on here to bitch... wait, I'm lying that was my exact intention.
My triceps feel like they're going to fall off.. Nursing school is a great time to take up weightlifting and obsessive fitness enthusiasm. (Not.) I can't tell if kickboxing and lifting are destressers or contributors.
Oh well. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and keep bitching about it and keep listening to others' half-assed suggestions but there's really no solution since there's really no problem. I'm just in a funk.
Happy trails to you all. I hope things are well for you.
For when a status update just isn't going to do it... Tara is:
happy to be home watching the simpsons.
thinks it was cute how her sister in law pointed out my varicose veins but then told me that it made her feel better about her own since I'm 'young and pretty'.
was sad that all the package stores in east lyme close at 8 and I was unable to obtain some much desired woodchuck cider.
wants to lose 15 more pounds but is starting to feel obnoxious for needing to know the nutrition information on EVERYTHING.. (and yes, I know, I don't seem to be concerned with the amount of calories in booze)
still thinks she might take statistics over the summer.
is getting kind of nervous about being a year away from a career change but overjoyed at the same time because I get so disgusted by the a-holes at the casino sometimes, I just want to quit..
wishes you well and appreciates everything you done and everything you put up with.
is flattered that you read this.
Life is good.
School's going well, it's just hard to stay on top of the truckload of reading. I'm enjoying having friends for the first time in awhile.
I find myself drinking a lot, socially and to help me sleep. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing.
We're having new furniture delivered tomorrow. I'll be at school so I'm hoping Chris wakes up to let the guys in.. I'm thinking about just leaving a sign on the door inviting them to let themselves in and just make a lot of racket until Chris gets up. :)
So yeah, despite some financial problems earlier in the semester here we are buying new furniture. The old stuff was pretty cheap and shot and we got 4 years interest free financing.. what the hell, right? + unemployment + student loan. + More debt = more incentive to succeed and make good money. Ha. I love the way I rationalize things.
I'm enjoying clinical. I was a little intimidated the first week and it wasn't the best first week. The patient I got assigned on day one died.. at least that's what we're assuming since he wasn't being discharged to home in that condition and I wouldn't have normally been assigned such an unstable patient but there wasn't enough to go around. Then the lady I got assigned the next day had dementia and screamed every time someone touched her. The second week went much better. My client was very nice and I was able to learn a lot plus by the second week, I felt a little more comfortable being there. The first week my mind was filled with a lot of negativity: "I don't know what I'm doing. I have no right to be here and pass myself off as any semblance of a health care professional!" But second week was much more chill and now we're back at school for two weeks to learn meds. Good God, this is all starting to feel like it's really happening. Oy.
So no kickboxing tonight. We didn't go last week because I had a nasty cold and Chris sprained his ankle in a stupid way. And now he crapped out on me tonight because he needed nap before work. I don't blame him, though. And I'm too lazy to drive down to Groton by myself. But I'm trying so hard to get into and stay in shape. 5 months later and I'm kicking ass pretty well though. I can do a lot more push ups than I could when I started.
Yay me and yay positive life decisions. Money could be a little more organized but right now I've got minimal complaints.
So how ya been?
Oh, just fine! Thanks for askin'!
It's 5:20 am and I can't sleep even though I got up early (for me) to go bridesmaid dress shopping with my friend who is getting married. I'm so psyched for her. And jealous. I was so happy planning my wedding and it's long since come and gone. I bought my dress in a size 6 even though I was right on the border between that and an 8. But I've been really serious about kickboxing and dieting lately and I'm finally back under 140 pounds. I know I can lose plenty more in the 6 months coming up to the wedding..
I feel like I care more about myself lately and that's why I've been working so hard on my level of fitness. I think school has truly been the inspiration for caring more. I care more how I dress. I'm even flossing now! (This has been an ongoing gum problem that I think I'm finally nipping in the bud.) I've hardly become vain or shallow. I think I'm just slipping out of a depression I didn't even realize I was in. However, my academic success over the last couple of years has given me increased feelings of self worth. But I'm so nervous about keeping it up for another two years.
It's my impression that nursing school is going to be so tough. I'm used to getting straight A's. It's my understanding that no one really continues to do that well through nursing school. And then I stop and remind myself of how I didn't think I could make it through dealer school over 5 years ago. (That's hardly a worthy comparison but it's a reminder of how overly nervous I was then.) Hopefully, I can look back on this adventure and wonder what I was ever nervous about.
It's not just the difficulty of the course work. I'm also worried about money since I'll have to cut my hours at work. And I'm worried about time away from Chris. So I've been combating and exacerbating those worries simultaneously this summer by taking a lot of time off of work but spending a lot of quality time with Chris. It's been a great summer.
On a final note, the bathroom door still isn't fixed. It's screwed back on the hinges but now it won't shut right. Ha. I like to brag about my level of motivation but there's still plenty of crap that doesn't seem to make it's way to the top of the priority list.
I hope all is well out there in your kingdom.
Hmm... we have company and our bathroom door is broken... Like, coming off the hinges broken.. I guess I really don't have a choice here...
I really just come on here for Simpsons quotes and pictures of pugs... is there something wrong with me? You can answer that independently of what I just said if you want. Answers without evidence will be dismissed, though.
One minute, you're bitching at your husband for not shoveling either of the driveways (we have a tenant and we shovel her driveway too... not sure if this is written into the lease or not but she's pregnant and we're nice..) and for not helping with the baking.. and procrastinating cleaning out the car.. One minute you're doing all this bitching and six hours later he's cleaning up your vomit because you were THAT drunk chick at the party.. I really love that guy.. Once again, sorry, everyone at the party. :)
But vomiting aside, I had a great New Year's. And I love my peeps. And I'm finding myself with way too much time on my hand during school break which I'm not even trying to use appropriately.
Now I have a fancy new skype headset and a tres fancy video camera that I need to figure out how to work one of these years..
So, my in-laws went from "not doing presents" to buying us a pretty high end video camera. I'm pretty psyched about the camera but feel bad about cheaping out on them.. oops.
Stedman bought me a skype headset so I can talk to Ms. Israel over there without spending a million dollars.
I've had a little champagne but surprisingly wound up.. I really wanted to go to that 9:30 aerobics class at the gym but I'm not sure if that's going to happen.
In other news, I'm super psyched about seeing Stefanie and Kay for New Year's. Rachel was asking me if Stefanie was going to get drunk and I told her "I hope so!" and made mention of the video camera.. Watch out, everyone.. hahahahahah..... hahahhahaha...
I'm feelin' a little silly.. Merry Christmas, all!
Contents of my desk... (give or take)
-Two drinking glasses (One empty, the other half full)
-One empty can of red bull
-Two pug-themed greeting cards (one halloween themed one from my mother, another christmas-themed from the breeder
-One Scientific American
-Anatomy and physiology flashcards from BJ's
-One Joker figurine
-One Harley Quinn figurine
-One map of NYC
-Infinity return adress stickers that you get from charity
But NO GD *%&(#*^%(#&^%# nailclippers that are usually on the desk.. Whooahhh.. :(
Just for fun...
I love this big, little dog. He's 6 months and 20 pounds already.
3 weeks left until the end of the semester. Our last Anatomy exam is on the 23rd, blah.
Chris has talked me into working out again despite my staggering amount of school work. We'll see how that goes. I'm going to start going to some sort of aerobics class with Shannon. We both agreed that maybe we'd actually go, if we felt like we were supposed to meet the other one, there, etc.
I have jury duty and I'm pounding wine to try to get to sleep so I can get up for friggin' 7. Hopefully, they'll just let me go so I don't have to miss school which would make me a sad panda but that will probably be the case. It's my last day TAing the biology lab so I really hope to not be too late for that at least since I've really enjoyed it.
This semester's been really good. I've learned a lot and met a lot of cool people. It has just been HECTIC.
As we were going to our nephew's 10th birthday party today, Chris was lamenting to me how we were missing our chance to be "young" parents. But, I don't think we're missing shit and I know realistically he agrees. We want nothing more than to have a baby but we'd also like a means to support it with jobs we don't hate.
We called out of work tonight, by the way. These casino jobs are shitty but flexible!
I feel like having a child in your early 30's is becoming the norm but both of Chris' sisters have kids. One's younger than us, the other a few years older but that has nothing to do with us but you look around and you feel like you're supposed to do what everyone else is doing.
Ah well. My ugly son, the pug, will have to do for now.
Oh, what have I done?
I have 4 exams and a paper due this month. All within the same two week block. And I have do one more "teaching" assignment for my TA "job" and attend some faculty thing. Thank God, next semester's going to be a lot lighter. But God willing, I'll actually be starting nursing school in the fall and I can then again return to a stressful schedule. Maybe, God willing, ol' Chris will get onto the staties in the near future and make us some serious money and ol' Tara can quit her shitty job that she HATES. Don't get me wrong. I love school and my courseload wouldn't be that unreasonable if it was all I did but unfortunately that's not the case. I work with a guy who just dropped out of his second year of the nursing program at TRCC and he said working our shift (8pm to 4AM) did him in. But I don't see any other way. I like having the days free so I can pretty much take courses whenever I want. The other shifts are 4 to noon or noon to 8pm and to me that just seems like an even bigger hassle. But I'll just hope for the best until the time comes.. Right now, I'm just minorly stressed.
My stress with school and loathing of my job has officially turned me into a yokel. I've been making up "good" reasons to go to Mcdonald's more frequently lately in the vain hope of winning their stupid monopoly game. I'm so pathetic.
I can't believe the christmas season is sort of upon us. I don't know when I'm going to shop or decorate since my semester doesn't end until the 23rd. BLEH!
Despite all my stress and bitching, I'm really grateful to have such a patient and supportive husband because I've been kind of cuntastic lately and I feel really badly for that.
Thanks for listening.
All is well.
I just thought I'd post with news, generics, gripes, etc.
The election is a big thing people like to post about. As ignorant as it may sound, at least it's honest: I feel severely under informed and therefore am not going to vote. I've never voted.. Granted, I've only been of age to vote in the last election and none others but until a time comes where I feel properly informed I will not vote. I'm very busy with school and work and the only news I watch is sporadically while I'm eating dinner at work and the slanted news I receive depends on whether I'm sitting in the part of the caf that happens to be airing CNN or Fox, nonetheless, still leaving me feeling very uninformed. I guess everyone likes Obama and I'm definitely a liberal at heart but that's not a good enough reason to vote for him. I've talked to other left-wingers who've sworn they'd never vote republican but don't like Obama because of the unsavory company who keeps.
Wow, that was a fairly lengthy paragraph for someone who said she didn't want to talk politics. Also, if I was to talk more in-depthly, I'd just be regurgitating shit I hear on tv and what everyone else says anyway. I'm definitely incapable of adding any original insight with the minute bit of information that I have.
So, on to school. Taking Lifespan Development this semester was a mistake. It's a lot of work and I'd be very surprised if I can get an A in it considering I already got a 79 on the first exam since I've been focusing more energy into Anatomy & Physiology and my TA job. And the bitch about my stupid decision to take lifespan now rather than in the spring is it will AFFECT my gpa on my nursing school application whereas in the spring it wouldn't.. and God forbid, I have to apply a second time.. In which case, it would anyway but let's just hope for the best.
I currently have a 94 average in A&P and that counts for 25% of my nursing school ranking. My TA position also is 5 credits and that's a guaranteed A providing I fulfill all the requirements and don't withdraw, etc so that should offset the likely B I'll get in lifespan which is only 3 credits. Oy. This is a stressful semester.
But I've got to say, as huge of a time commitment as TAing for biology is, I'm really glad to be doing it. I love the teacher. (I wouldn't have done it, if I didn't it.) And it's really enforcing what I learned from taking the class the first time. And it's proof to myself that I've done a 180 with the extreme level of shyness I experienced as a youth. Also, all the research on cellular respiration I did for my lecture scored me 6 extra credit points on my first A&P exam. Oh yeah!
Unfortunately, all the stress of work and school is negatively affecting my personality. It's definitely made me a bitch to Chris and I feel really bad about that. But he's very sweet and patient and supportive and that makes me feel all the worse for being crabby with him. I can't believe we've been together for 5 years. My, how the years do fly.
I'm looking forward to going to Stefanie's for New Year's. Granted it's a ways off but it's nice to see old friends and Boston's pretty fun, too. Oh yeah, I'm RSVPing Stef. :) And I think I'm bringing all my stupid friends, too. I'll be in touch. :)
And more immediately, I'm looking forward to Halloween. I don't actually know whether or not I have the day off yet but I remain optimistic. Yay, ROCKY HORROR! Hopefully, I have a job when I go back to work on Friday.... seeing as they're laying off 700 people as of yesterday. But my logic is that I make $5.50 an hour before tips so to shitcan me wouldn't be saving the company all that much money.
Well, hooray for everything and I hope this morning finds you all well.
And someone is once again fucking with me with fish themed im names!
I'm studying with a glass of wine.. the third of the night..
We had fun tonight. We went out to Thai Pepper (it's a groovy place in Westerly if you live around here... well maybe not so much groovy as the food's good but perhaps they're synonymous..) and then to Buttonwood for some ice cream. Whee!
Now, I'm trying to study for my second lab practical which is going to be a bitch but I'm looking for a distraction anyway! Hence, why I'm here complaining!
Our new baby pug is so cute. It should be illegal to be that cute. Chris really had to talk me into getting him but I'm happy we did and now my stupid micro class is almost over so we have all of August to really bond with him... I should (and will) spend August doing some prep work for my TA thing for general biology in the fall but that definitely won't take up nearly as much time as micro has..
I got an 88 on the ATI TEAS- the entrance exam for nursing school... the lady proctoring the exam said that the average score for those admitted to the nursing program last year was in the mid 80's so I wanna say that my score is good enough.. I could take it again but I really don't feel like it and realistically I'm not sure how much better I'll do.. I bombed stupid stuff like earth science and punctuation.. and spelling.. Eh.. maybe I'm talking myself into taking it again after all.. I guess I'll ask an advisor.
Time for more wine!